Why I have a presence at Pride

Pride Month is just around the corner so the annual discussions about what Pride is, who it’s for, what belongs there and so on have started. When I read some of these ideas, beliefs and points of view, I am hit by how different Pride events are from one place to another. The Pride events I’ve been to in the UK do seem to be very different from Pride events in parts of the USA and yet the discussion points in both countries seem to be the same or very similar. This might be because things like the internet and social media make the world smaller or it might be more a reflection of the way that those who lean right, at least socially, share influence, tactics, rhetoric etc across the Atlantic. I’m not here to talk about my opinion about who should be at Pride or what should happen there though. I would instead like to offer a space instead to explore why I have a presence at Pride both as an LGBTQIA+ owned business and as a psychologist. 

I have identified as LGBTQIA+ for most of my life with different aspects of my identity (bisexual, agender, somewhere on the ace-spectrum) emerging over time. I have been in the closet to varying degrees over that time and I’m sure you can appreciate that when you discover different things about yourself over time, you have to come out of the closet to the same people multiple times! I have personally experienced a range of different forms of prejudice connected to my LGBTQIA+ identities and the body I was born with including: monosexism, biphobia, homophobia, enbyphobia, acephobia, misogyny and sexism. These have come from people across most areas of my life including: teachers, GPs, NHS mental health services, friends, family, customers, colleagues and random people/acquaintances. I had my sexuality pathologised by a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist both working within Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). I have had to argue for the legitimacy of sex that doesn’t involve a penis. I have had to stand up to a girlfriend who tried to pressure me into letting her tell her friends that I was a lesbian because she didn’t want to be seen dating a bisexual. I have had my gender identity dismissed and then my boundaries regarding how I’m referred to criticised because someone else “will lose out” when I respond to my boundaries not being respected. These are just to name a few. I did not grow up in a vacuum so I have also had to dismantle internalised forms of some of these prejudices too. I am not the only one to have these experiences either. 

While I still encounter these things to varying levels, and likely always will, I am surrounded by positive messages of acceptance and love. I am galvanised to act in support of all LGBTQIA+ people and in opposition of the prejudice, discrimination and victimisation we are subject to. Part of the way this shows up is through my work supporting people who are encountering these in their lives. I get daily reminders from my clients as to why people like me are needed: people who work in psychology and are culturally competent in supporting LGBTQIA+ people. Not enough has changed since I was a kid. Another way it shows up is in my motivation to attend Pride events in my psychologist role as a part of the British Psychological Society (BPS). Being there as a part of the BPS delegation representing psychology and those who work within it is important to me because I want to make noise and take a stand against the unethical treatment of LGBTQIA+ people. I want to send a message to those who work within psychology that they need to adapt and be respectfully inclusive and equitable in how they work. I also want to show the public that psychology and the BPS have the back of those who are LGBTQIA+, that they can find psychological support that affirms their experiences and accepts them as they are. I also do this to show myself that some things have changed in the last 20 years (though admittedly not enough) and to feel like I can exist within and belong to this field which has harmed so many of us before. I don’t know how much I feel like I belong in psychology circles yet, but I am hopeful this will change the more we show up, act together and consistently show that LGBTQIA+ people are valued both within psychology and the country as a whole. 

Some people have staunch views about organisations and institutions which have historically caused, and continue to cause, harm to the LGBTQIA+ people not being welcome at Pride. I personally find myself resonating with and also at odds with this stance where it comes to psychology. I have definitely been harmed by psychology simply because I am not straight. I also believe that as a collective of psychologists we can set the tone for our field of study and work by embracing the diversity of human relationships, sexuality and gender and providing equitable, culturally competent care and support. We can carry the torch and lead the way to normalising affirming care and treatment for LGBTQIA+ people. We’ve marched in London twice now campaigning for a full legal ban on conversion therapy. This is awesome and people in the crowds have responded so positively to us! They see us standing up for the right of all people to receive the care and support needed to thrive and against harmful practices. When I march, I hold space for the harmed parts of myself, my friends and my clients alongside holding space for the hope of something better, something made possible because I am there with other psychologists. Psychology can be and do better.

As for why I have a business presence at Reading Pride, I serve people in the area (as well as working online) and I see it as crucially important to raise awareness of the fact that affirmative support is available. I am not the only one who specifically works to support the LGBTQIA+ people in the UK with their mental health and I am there representing all of us. I love engaging with the public at Reading Pride and I do make this the main focus of my stall. Every year I take chalkboards with a question for people to answer. I’ll include photos for you. It really warms my heart to see what helps people feel safe and supported or what they like about their life! It’s also amazing to see people engaging with each other over it with discussions, jokes etc. Some will bring others over just to show them what they’ve added to the boards! There are a real variety of people contributing to them and I am so grateful for each and every one of them! It’s an honour to witness! Being able to contribute to the community feel of Reading Pride is definitely the biggest reason I have a business presence there. I love talking about what I do and raising awareness of the existence of professionals like me too. 

When you are not a member of the dominant group, life has additional challenges and my presence at Pride events, whether as a part of the BPS or representing my business, is hugely meaningful for me. LGBTQIA+ people and genuine allies standing up for LGBTQIA+ rights is what it’s all about. It’s not a party. It is a protest. It is a community event. I hold space for the harmed parts of me, my friends, my clients and the wider community at the same time as holding space for the joy that comes from celebrating the freedoms we have and the sense of community at Pride. It’s an experience brimming with emotion and I feel privileged to be able to be there.