Understanding what happens when you ‘flip out’, ‘see red’ and have other out of control reactions

As I sat down to write today’s article, I was reminded of various points in my life when I just flipped my lid. One such time I was half sitting, half lying on my bed in my little bedsit flat on the phone to someone very close to me. It must have been around Christmas time because I was telling them that I had doubled up on Amazon Fire TV sticks. I could only use one at home on account of only having one TV but had reasoned to myself that the other could be for times when I’m travelling or staying away somewhere. At this point in my life, I was regularly staying away overnight. Maybe I hadn’t uttered that thought to them or maybe I had. Either way they then started talking about how they could use it because they had multiple TVs and not enough fire sticks to go around. 

I flipped. 

I saw red.

Suddenly I was just shouting and ranting down the phone at them while pacing about my room. Not my proudest moment. I’m not sure how long that went on for. I do know it took me a couple of hours to calm back down and when I did, I wasn’t entirely sure why I had reacted so strongly. 

Have you ever just flipped? Can you remember a time when something happened and you just saw red?

This is a phenomenon called the amygdala hijack. 

The amygdala is a brain structure within the limbic system, also known as the emotional brain. The amygdala is the part of the brain that detects and reacts to danger. When you are going about your normal everyday life, you get a stream of information from the amygdala as it scans your environment ready to keep you safe from any danger that may come upon you. You also engage your “thinking brain” (aka the cortex and specifically the prefrontal cortex) which works to manage the stream of information it receives from various sources, including the amygdala. In an amygdala hijack, the thinking brain goes offline and the amygdala takes over control. Suddenly you go into pure survival mode and operate from a fight or flight reaction. 

This is what happened with me and the conversation about the fire sticks. 

The amygdala is protecting you from danger when it hijacks you and sends you into instinctual fight or flight. When talking about amygdala hijacks with clients, it is at this point in the conversation that I like to bring their attention to the fact that such reactions are normal and actually communicating something to us. For example, after some reflection, I learned that I have a boundary around my right to own things and other people not being able to lay claim to, take or use them without my express permission. So, while the experience of the amygdala hijack is very unpleasant and can be unnerving, you can learn something from it.

There are a couple of other concepts that are useful for understanding what goes on when you experience uncontrollable reactions and feelings. These are the Window of Tolerance (WoT) and Polyvagal Theory (PVT). They are strikingly similar to the point where many people use some of the terms interchangeably between the two concepts. I will include all of the terms in this article for you with clear indication as to whether they belong to the Window of Tolerance or Polyvagal Theory. What I like about the Polyvagal Theory is there are more opportunities to develop the ability to self regulate and co regulate with others. This is, I believe, due to the way that Polyvagal Theory relates everything back to the nervous system. It was in fact based on a series of studies by Stephen Porges which looked at human nervous systems so has been built upon the results of peer-reviewed papers. 

Both the Window of Tolerance and Polyvagal Theory identify a zone of optimal functioning. This is named as the Window of Tolerance or the Ventral Vagal System (PVT term). Essentially this is where your thinking brain is switched on and is fielding all the input it’s receiving. When you are operating from here you are able to connect socially with others and handle the normal ups and downs of life. You will likely experience some fluctuations in stress levels and a range of human emotions including some of the less pleasant ones like frustration, stress and irritation but you are capable of managing that. A person’s capacity to stay within the Window of Tolerance or Ventral Vagal System is affected by various things such as trauma, illness, sleep deprivation and stress. This is often regarded as a shrinking of the Window of Tolerance. The good news is that which can shrink can also be expanded.

When things happen that push you outside of your Ventral Vagal System or Window of Tolerance, you will go into Hyperarousal (WoT term) or your Sympathetic Nervous System will become activated (PVT term). This is where your amygdala hijack will take you. Into that state of fight or flight, anger, rage and emotional reactivity. Your thinking brain is offline. Your amygdala has hijacked and you are reacting to things from this basis of fight or flight. There’s a lot of energy available to you here because your Sympathetic Nervous System has signalled to various other systems to temporarily alter the way they operate. This is a state that is triggered when your amygdala has detected danger. 

The third state is called Hypoarousal (WoT term) or Dorsal Vagal System (PVT term) and this is the freeze stress response. When you either can’t fight or run away from a danger or the danger escalates, your nervous system then tries to protect you by immobilising. This nervous system shut down is associated with depression, dissociation and emotional numbing. 

I have put the following infographic together of these three states. Traditionally the Polyvagal Theory is depicted as a ladder to reflect the dorsal vagal system being the oldest part of the brain and therefore at the bottom of the ladder, going up to the sympathetic nervous system with the ventral vagal system being at the top as it is the youngest part of the human brain. I have chosen to disregard this and to utilise the layout typical of the Window of Tolerance. This is because I find people respond well to the relative ease of being able to essentially transfer their mental representation of their experiences onto this style with the optimal functioning in the middle with the peaks of fight/flight above and the troughs of freeze reactions below. It is also the layout that I use with clients.

I love the fact that Polyvagal Theory enables us to not just identify what we are experiencing but also how we can bring about a change in that. Because of Polyvagal Theory, we can say things like “OK, I recognise that I am in hyperarousal and that means my nervous system is activated. I know I need to soothe my nervous system so I’m going to do X and Y” or “I acknowledge I’m in hypoarousal and that means my nervous system is in a shut down, immobilised state. I know I need to stimulate my nervous system so I am going to do A and B”. It is very empowering to realise that we can experience something like amygdala hijack, hyperarousal and hypoarousal and learn ways to manage it so our lives can be minimally disrupted. We have some great tools and ways to work with our nervous systems at our disposal. I love helping people learn how to do this and then seeing results.

Whether you experience more of hyperarousal than hypoarousal or the other way around, it’s all OK. If you relate more to the amygdala hijacks than the concept of going into hypoarousal or hyperarousal is also OK. The thing I want you to take away from this is…

It’s OK to not feel OK all the time.

It’s very normal to move through all of these different states at different points and there are people who can help you learn how to regulate your nervous system better if you want.